Your words are just words. To think that i believe all those sms-es you've sent me, telling me you would wait for me. Telling me, you would be there to take care of me till your last breath. I believed those words of yours till I saw all those comments. I believed those words of yours though my friends kept telling me to let you go. I believed and waited. And at last, God has opened my eyes to see all these. Your love is just temporary, your love towards me is only because of the loneliness you feel inside your heart. I am the dumb one. I am the stupid one. I am the silly one. I waited for your comeback, just in the end, you already cared for someone else. and that care change to love, just in a nick of time.
It's true he says that I am stupid. I let you take chances over and over again. You did so many mistakes, I kept forgiving. But he woke me up, where was all the respect for me gone to throughout this relationship? Where was all the proof that you had changed when you kept doing the same mistake? I wanted you to change, yet i didn't taught you a good lesson. I should have left long time ago but i didn't. Cos i needed you so much.
My biggest regret for making you my life. You should just be a part of it, not the whole. When you chose to leave, my whole entire life gone haywire. And now it's time for me to get pass my fears and get in step with life.
Thank you so much for making a mess in my life. You are happy with someone else right now, and i am here clearing up the mess. But I know I ain't alone. Life is unfair but still, I have wonderful peeps and a supportive family to go through this life with. To them, I shall give my best too. With them, I share a part of my life with. I'll cherish them just like how they will cherish me. I am contented. :)
and thanks a lot to seri ridhayu and muhammad izzuddin. The conference call we had, had made me open up to many different perceptions. :)
Just came back from work. One full shift completed, many more full shifts to go. I know I ain't myself as yet, but I am trying my best to recover. Somehow, my mind just telling me to work almost everyday. And so, I work like no one business. The best way to stop me from thinking those things, from feeling so hurt, from feeling so lousy, from feeling so shitty, from feeling so lost on my own, is to make myself occupied almost everyday. Work, work, work. I am exhausted but still, this feeling of emptiness overcomes me at the end of the day. I remain strong cos I know my friends are looking forward to see my smile. I remain strong cos I want to be there for my dear ones. I remain strong cos I know they still need me. I can't sleep, I can't breathe when your shadow is all over me. I don't want to be a fool in your eyes cos I know all that we have built never meant to last. Damn, I don't want to feel the way that i do. I JUST HAVE TO KEEP PUSHING MYSELF HARDER.
TO XXX_; I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE. WHAT I KNOW IS THAT YOU DON'T KNOW A SINGLE THING WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH. SIMPLY SAID THAN DONE.
I try to remain strong every time I receive a message from you, telling me about her. I try to hold back my tears, I try to be happy for you cos all that matters to me are your happiness. You telling me, her smile is for you, your smile is for her. But you never will know, your smile is my smile. You telling me, you are sent to her, to change her and she is sent to you to heal the scar in your heart. But you never will wake up and realize, how much I've sacrificed to change you into who you are right now, neither will you realize those sacrifices I've done to make you change, have left a bigger scar on my heart. It is so easy for you to bid a farewell, it is so easy for you to say that you already have someone else as your strength, that just show how much I meant to you.
I don't know why I am feeling this way. But I feel terribly lousy and down. You don't even apologize for those bullshits you've done to me. Your ego stabs my heart. You don't even want to admit all those words in your messages don't mean a thing. Your ego stinks so much.
The worst among your doings, you don't even appreciate all those sacrifices I've done for you. Now, I've figured it all out. I really don't mean a thing to you. but still, you were once a part of my life. A part of my everything.
:)
Deep in my heart, is a prayer for your happiness. All the best for your future and hers.
Nurul Syafiqah Bte ______.
aka Syeeqa or supergirl ( teehee)♥♥♥
19yearsold,08November1990.
RP,SPORTS AND LEISURE MANAGEMENT.
I am SINGLE NOT! my heart's TAKEN since ♥301109♥
I am just living my OWN life.
I make my OWN decision.
I have my OWN mindset.
If you're not happy with me and my past, that's your business.
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Nurul Syafiqah Bte ______.
