Nurul Syafiqah♥

.Monday, August 31, 2009 ♥

None.

All i want is to feel better after a bad day.
All i want is to feel your love, care and concern.
But ending up, you assuming i talk so much and you shall keep quiet.
I don't know it is wrong to share my thoughts with you.
I'm sorry for the wrong i have done today.
I promise you, i will keep quiet, pretending everything is going so great for me.
I promise you, i will not share my thoughts with you again.
I promise you, i will keep everything to myself.
I'm sorry once again.

Ive no one else other than you, my better half for me to talk to.
Cos to me, you just know how to comfort me when i am feeling so rotten and down.
You just know how to make me smile after all those tears i have shed.
You are a miracle in my life.
and that miracle seems to be no more.
Now, who shall i go to, to pour what's in my heart?
Now, who shall i go to, to share my thoughts?
Now, who shall i go to, to make me smile after my cry?
Now, who shall i go to, to make me feel better after hearing things that make me feel so rotten?

I am strong.
I am strong.
I shall just keep it all to myself.
:)

Labels: No labels.

Love, @ 2:38 AM

.Wednesday, August 26, 2009 ♥

boy oh boy.

I MISS THIS GUY.

I MISS THIS GUY SO BADLY.

BOYFY, DO U EVEN MISS ME?

Love, @ 1:05 AM

. ♥

No title.

No more exams.
Im so happy.
Been waiting and wanting this holiday.
And here it comes.
Tomorrow, Im off to working life.
So much better.
School is such a struggle cos i dont really enjoy it.
Except for the friends i have there, other than that, it is such a bored.

Sometimes, i feel so uncomfortable when you share with me what's going on with your current life cos u used to be a a part of my daily life.
Sometimes, im just so curious, i keep wanting to know how you and her doing.
But i just realised, it is better to keep me in the dark.
Cos i hate it when you're just contradicting yourself.
I guess every guy does that.
I rmmber what youve said to me, guess you dont mean it all.
You said I was the one who made you felt so differently and that you needed me badly.
You said you would always loved me and be so willing to wait for me.
Now, you say the same things to her.
What you did with me, you did to her too.
I guess youre just another jerk who always talk bullshit to a girl.
I despise you.
Really. Please go away.
I really wished you didnt entered my life, even as my past.
Hope youre happy with her. :)

I wonder why he treats me so differently from all his ex girlfys.
I wonder why he hurts me far so much than he does to his ex girlfys.
I wonder why whatever that he has done with them, he doesnt do it with me.
Maybe im just thinking too much but i cant stop thinking.
Is this a good change or it just means something else?

i simply dont understand you.
what the hell youre thinking you doing.
i didnt text you, you said i didnt care about you.
when i did, you just ignored my smses.
what exactly do you want?
fill me in.
stop judging me now with the mistakes ive done in the past.
theres no more you and me.
thats a fucking old story.
move on.
dont turn back. never look for me again.
im so sicked and tired of your attitude.

i need my luck back.
i need my miracles back.
i need it all right now.
:)

Labels: Is this a good change or it just means something else?

Love, @ 12:02 AM

.Monday, August 24, 2009 ♥

Endure with me.

Sometimes, I am just super direct.
Especially, when I think I'm just being treated like a whole bullshit.
Have to endure others when they are at their disastrous state but when it comes to my worst, they can't even endure.
The best part, they will start simply point their fingers to me.
I can't take this anymore and I just have to let it out.

My directness appears only when I need to.
I will not be so harsh when I don't have to.
But when i am harsh and direct, there will be a reason.
I can't take it being treated like no one anymore.
For heaven's sake, I am some one and I have feelings.
In my dictionary, there are no words like selfish, disrespect, irresponsible and etc.
Words that don't have any values in my life.
I don't lead my life that way. Used to but NO MORE.
Blame me if you want for my harsh-ness.
Blame me if you want for being so direct to you.
I need to point out what you should and you shouldn't do.
My intentions are clear, I want you to learn from what has happened and not to repeat it.
But still, it is up to you.
Ive done my part.
Im not that matured. Im not so grown up.
But I have my share of learning in life.
All the things i've shared with you, i share it sincerely.
I need no return from you at all.
I need no better treatment from you at all.
I just hope, you've learnt something at the end of the day.

Here is a little note for Yanah.
I've forgiven you all this while.
But I'm just a normal girl.
Forgetting is hard as I am really hurt by your actions.
But need not worry, I'm not hating you nor bearing any grudges towards you.
Ill just pray of the best for you.
Don't let your parents down.
Importantly, don't let yourself down.
I have faith in you.

Okay.
I am done.
Get back to my studies.
One more Understanding Test.
Weeeeeeeeeeee!
Off to holiday.

Labels: Im direct, so what.

Love, @ 10:43 PM

. ♥

Probability Sucks.

Damn.
Damn.
Damn.
Damn.
Damn.
Never mind. Now, im not fasting. So it's okay.
I hate probability.
I can never understand.
goodness. Who invented maths is so stupid.
You make my life so difficult and miserable.
-_-
Please. Please. Please.
May Ut3 for maths be easy.
Not much probability.
can?

and my eyes are burning.
Sleepless Night.
One more to go after maths.
Introduction to communication.
Working life is so much better!!!

:)

Labels: probability is taking my life away.

Love, @ 3:25 AM

.Sunday, August 23, 2009 ♥

You aint my priority anymore.

Two days straight of doing Csr.
Yawn. But i felt so lethargic for no apparent reason.
I prefer when it is busy.
Ill get so bored when i have nothing to do.
and yes, ive managed to fast full day for today.
:)

So many things are running in my mind.
But i promise myself to be calm and remain strong.
It is not the time for me to just give up and i never will.
But instead, ive promised to give my best to all the things in my life.
Im much ready to face the worst and im far far ready to accept new happy moments in my life.
There are others who are less unfortunate than me.
Im contented with what i have.
Never will i take what i have for granted ever again.
But ill only give the best of me to those who can accept my worst.
Not ever anymore to those who will leave me when im in my disastrous state.
Ill forgive and keep giving chances but don't ever think you can take advantage of my kindness.

From today onwards.
My priorities are myself,
My family,
My studies,
My ph family,
My besties,
My boyfy.

These are NOT in orders.
Im tired of being there for others.
When others are not there for me.
Im tired of sacrificing for others when
all i got in return, its their bullshit.
I dont even want a return, i just want my sacrifices to be appreciated.
Why is it so hard?
I wonder.
Im not refering to any specific people.
Im just doing my reflection.
If you think, you are one of them.
Then, you are.
:)

Im nt mean, im just being direct.

Labels: Bullshit.

Love, @ 7:46 PM

. ♥

Dont wanna try no more.

Don't try.
Do it.
If u just saying, u will try.
U are not going to take any actions.
It is just words, useless.
DO IT!
:)

And i know, im insane.
Look at time, yet i am not asleep.
tomorrow will be working at 12 pm.
My Dark Rings are all back again.
But I feel contented right now.
One day of fasting makes me so calm.

Work has been great with those mates of mine.
but i just got to find out, one of the managers is leaving us.
He's transfering to other outlet.
My favourite manager.
Im so pissed with the upper management.
Cant they take some other managers from other outlets?
-_-.
i need a miracle right now.
pls. pls. pls.

And i hate my situation with him right now.
Im super suffocating.
Why can't some people just leave me alone?
Why you girls care so much about what is going on in my life?
Why add me up in msn, follow my life through my blogs just to see how my relationship with him going on?
(to be direct, you girls are hoping his relationship with me wil fail as he has hurt you girls in the past aint it?)
Why cant you girls just mind your own fcukin' business?
He hurt you, NOT ME.
so please, dont care too much about my life.
I need my own space to breathe.
I need somewhere to write down what i feel.
I need someone to call my own.
Im just like any normal girl, like you too.
I dont disturb yours, so why are you intruding my life?
I just don't get it.
Come on.
Stop being pathetic, self-centred and selfish.
Not as if, you girls have never done any mistakes.

Thanksforleavingmewhenidontwantyoutoo.
Thanksforaddinguptothehatredyouvebuiltinmyheart.
Idontknowwhatelsetodo.
Allineedisyoutobewithme.
Gothroughthiswithme.
Butendingup,listeningtoyousayingyouwanttoleaveme.
Byleavingme,illbehappyandillgobacktothelifeiwishillhave.
younonsense.
youknowimunhappywithoutyou.
youdontknowmeatall
YOUREALLYDONT.
i hate this.

Labels: Girls. Mind Your Own Fuckin' business can?

Love, @ 3:10 AM

.Tuesday, August 18, 2009 ♥

Listen to me.

Blogger is so _____.
I cant upload pictures.
-_0

Days have been _______.
Due to my pms.
Maybe it is just not my luck.
Im so stressed up, exams are around the corner.
and so many things I need to catch up.
I hate mugging but I really have no choice.
Sleepless Nights Again till next Tuesday.

Ifeellikekillingmyselfrightnow,youknow.
Ihatemugging.itsucks.
Butimsolookingforwardtoholiday.
Iwanttowork.
Imissworkingwithbunchofgreatpeople.
Andicantwaitforhariraya.
Imlame.
Haventfastyet,thinkingofharirayaalready.
Stop it. :)

Im tired but look, i cant sleep.
Im staring at my laptop screen.
Trying to do my revision.
Webcaming and chating with boyfriend as usual.
Goodness, when are my eyes going to get sleepy?
-_-

As for today.
My plan is I am going to school's library.
Continue with my revision.
Going to skip tmr maths module.
It is not going to help at all if I come.
I need to buck up through Ut3.
My daily grades are all like __________.
Shall not talk about academic anymore.
Adding up to my level stress only.

I bloghopping and I read an old friend's blog.
Well, what she has blogged are all facts about boy/men.
In my opinion too.

As a couple.
A boy always promised many things but ending up, breaking it all.
What he will do are all the opposite of what he has promised.
Irony aint it? Simply irritating.
A boy will say he loves the girl so much but ending up, he hurts her so much.
Again, it is irony.
A boy says he will only be there for this girl, only her.
But in the end, not just her, many other girls.
A boy says he is telling the truth.
But in the end, it is not the truth, the truth has been twisted around.
A boy says his eyes are only on his girl.
But then, why are his eyes looking at some other girls?
A boy says his girl is his special one.
But then, why call other girls the same endearment and the same treatment that his girl gets?
A boy says the most beautiful memories are with his current girlfy,
but then why is he still talking about his past memories with his ex girlfys?
A boy says he will not do the same mistakes after he has been forgiven,
but then, why is it always happening again and over again?
So anyone, care to explain to me why is this so?
cos i dont understand boys at all.
SERIOUS-lee.

These are only my thoughts.
If youre unhappy, thats your business.
Not mine.
:) thank you for reading.

Labels: Mugging Period.

Love, @ 2:35 AM

.Thursday, August 13, 2009 ♥

Happy, happy!

After 2 days of being single, i know this sounds crazy.

But we are back together again.
Countless of breakups and patches.
But let's all hope, this will be the last patchup.
Cos if I ever give up and ask for a breakup again, that's my last straw.
Things happen for a reason.

I'll make things clear in my blog.
Im worst than my boyfy.
We both have a background of a player.
I'm not decent and innocent as all his exs and scandals think I am.
I'm a heartbreaker, I give hope to other guys just to break their heart in the end.
And the worst is I used to be intimate with other guys as well.
Yes, thats me.
Im worse than boyfy.
Boyfy doesnt search for my short comings.
I search for his like no one business.
He has made mistakes and I make it a big deal.
When I did mistake, he just kept silent, smiled and the next day, he would be fine.
He will never bring it up again but I will bring up his mistakes almost everyday.
I shoot directly at him, to the max, till i said, " You are such a cheap guy! You don't deserve to have my late boyfy's looks."
Yes, thats me.
He never gave up on me anymore thou i keep makin mistakes.
But ill give up on him on the slightest mistake that he has done.
He has stopped himself from all the temptation he has as a player.
But me, still in the process of learning.
I blogged this to give justice to him. to be fair to him.
Im worst than he is. and thats the truth.
Im sorry.

boyfy.
i dont care whats the truth anymore.
if it is really the truth, i deserve this.
ive done worse than what youve done.
we hurt each other enough.
i take this as a lesson learnt.
i hope you too will.
we have enuf moments of folly.
let's try to be like a normal couple.
i love you, boyfy.
and i know you love me too.
lets put a fullstop to this and make more good changes.
The words on the image above, i dedicated to you.

A life of a player who is trying to change.
Temptation of flirting will always be there in us.
For no reason, sometimes, we just follow the temptation we have.
But again, we really dont mean it.
It is just a moment of folly.
We may be flirting around the whole day
but at the end of the day, we return to our partners' arms.
:)

update for yesterday.
I bought e63, red colour.
thanks to daddy, lil sys and boyfy for accompany-ing me.
Things are getting better for me, I can sense it.
my needs are all fulfilled alr.
rebond my hair.
get a new phone.
treat boyfy.
treat family.
treat friends.
My life is so blessful.
and Im happy the way i am now.

Labels: Starting Afresh.

Love, @ 12:21 AM

.Wednesday, August 12, 2009 ♥

-_-

I'm so fickle-minded.
I don't know what I want.
:(

Love, @ 2:37 PM

. ♥

Shit Happens.

Moving On Is The Hardest Thing I Have To Do.

Shits happened again.

Im so NOT organised.

Im messy.

My eyebags are worse than before.

My stomach is in pain due to stomach wind.

Ive lose my appetite.

Im such in a disastrous state.

Im not emo-ing.

Im just trying hard to get over this.

This morning.

Someone told me off.

and i dont know he has a husband and two child.

Why is it my fault when he is the one disturbs me?

-_-.

and i bought my mates breakfast.

i forgot many things.

see, IM SO IN A DISASTROUS state.

thanks to those who cheer me up.

aqmar, for hearing my cry whole nite.

nelly, for sms-ing me to comfort me.

kiky and noor, for the fun we had yesterday.

hamyzan, thomman, diyanah and all mates in w45d, for making me laugh like no one business.

hafizah, for giving me the strength.

thank you so much, peeps. :)

imissyou.imissyou.imissyou.

iloveyou.iloveyou.iloveyou.

butistillgottamoveon.

thispainistoomuchformetoendure.

Love, @ 12:03 PM

. ♥

Give me strength to move on.

and she's hurting inside.

I knew we both made mistakes.

Stupid, silly mistakes.

But ive changed for you, for us.

Bby, what have i done to deserve this?

Hours have passed and Im still crying.

It hurts so much, so much for me to forget it.

You've been my daily life for more than 17 months.

Ive never loved someone this much.

And I need you more than anything.

All i see now is darkness. Im alone, im afraid, im insecured.

Im lost without you. but I have no choice.

Ive been waiting for you to change. In the journey, I hurt myself too much.

Now, ive lose faith in myself. Ive lose all the strength to keep guiding you.

Ive lose all that i used to have when you are still by my side, in my heart.

Am I so imperfect that i dont deserve your love at all?

Am I not worth of you at all?

Baby, tell me. Am i?

If you still want to flirt, why get into a relationship?

If you dont want to be commited, why do you stay with me for so long?

If to you dont know how to uphold a promise, why make one?

If you want to hurt me, why do u bring my hopes so high just to crush it in the end?

If you dont love me, why do u say u do?

I badly need strength.

Im not strong enough to move on.

I need him.

Why must this happen now?

Im not okayy.

Im really not okayy.

My focus is gone.

Totally gone.

I hate this.

I really do.

This lyric Is For You.

o3.o3.08 to 11.08.09.

Remember all the things we wanted

Now all our memories, they're haunted

We were always meant to say goodbye

Even without fists held high, yeah

Never would have worked out right, yeah

We were never meant for do or die
I didn't want us to burn out

I didn't come here to hurt you now

I can't stop
I want you to know

That it doesn't matter

Where we take this road

Someone's gotta go

And i want you to know

You couldn't have loved me better

But i want you to move on

So i'm already gone
Looking at you makes it harder

But i know that you'll find another

That doesn't always make you wanna cry

Started with a perfect kiss

Then we could feel the poison set in

Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
You know that i love you so

I love you enough to let you go
I want you to know

That it doesn't matter

Where we take this road

Someone's gotta go

And i want you to know

You couldn't have loved me better

But i want you to move on

So i'm already gone
I'm already gone

I'm already gone

You can't make it feel right

When you know that it's wrong

I'm already gone

Already gone

There's no moving on

So i'm already gone
Already gone

Already gone

Already gone, oooo, oh

Already gone

Already gone, yeah
Remember all the things we wanted

Now all our memories, they're haunted

We were always meant to say goodbye
I want you to know

That it doesn't matter

Where we take this road

Someone's gotta go

And i want you to know

You couldn't have loved me better

But i want you to move on

So i'm already gone
I'm already gone

I'm already gone

You can't make it feel right

When you know that it's wrong

I'm already gone

Already gone

There's no moving on

So i'm already gone...

Labels: Please, PLEASE., someone tell me this is a nightmare

Love, @ 1:19 AM

.Monday, August 10, 2009 ♥

Good Afternoon.

i know my boyfy is kental. so im adapting to it. hehe!

Yesterday.
Went to City hall with boyfy.
pss: aku pergi bkn nk tgk firework tapi nak tgk manusia2 pat situ. LOL.
Crowded with YP.
I don't mind the crowd. I don't mind being pushed.
I would push back too.
But what the hell, i was being stared at for nothing when they were the ones pushing me first.
so-the-fanatic.
Attitude-so-not-needed-here= Perangai Sungguh Tak Perlu.
Luckily, it was National Day. If it wasn't National Day, i would not forgive these freakin idiots.
Met nana and company, a lil chat with her and proceed to Pasir Ris with boyfy.
His lil cousin's berfday chalet.
Stay down there till 2am, waited for his dad to wake up.
and home sweet home around 3+am.

Im proud of boyfy for having the courage to finally call my mum and asked for her permission to bring me out till so late. Suprisingly, my mum allowed him to do so. Good Job Boyfy, youre changing to be a responsible boyfy alr. I love you. *claps for you*. EXCELLENT JOB. LOL.

uncle aunty.
thank you for sending me home. sorry for troubling you. :)

And yes, someone birthday today.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO NURUL SYAKIRAH.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!.

Hope youll find a boyfy soon, youre alr 11 yrs old.
:) lol, what type of sister am i.

be back to update more soon.
blogger gilerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
dan aku tak suke.....................

Labels: happee happee dayy.

Love, @ 3:20 PM

. ♥

1st Entry.

I'll be back again tmr to update.
I'm not okay right now.
SORRY!

Labels: -_-.

Love, @ 3:50 AM